We all remember our first crush. The one who made our heads turn and our hearts race each time we saw him.
Mine was Stuart Lewis.
I was pathetic really, admiring him from afar and laying in my room listening to ‘Almost Paradise’ from the Footloose soundtrack, hugging and kissing my pillow- pretending it was him. (Come on, I was fifteen.) I would try to create every possible situation and reason to walk by or talk to him, but my attempts were always pointless because no matter how often or detailed I rehearsed the conversation in my mind, each time I HAD an actually legitimate opportunity, I would FREEZE and stand there like an idiot.
Stuart was two years older than I, and of course he was tall, dark and handsome with gorgeous blue eyes, but his most intriguing qualities were his intelligence, brooding ways, and the fact that he was a bit of a lone wolf. Best of all, he was unavailable and somewhat of a commitment phob, so naturally I was smitten.
When I learned that we had a Sadie Hawkins event approaching, I knew my chance had come to legitimately have a reason to ask him out. It was 1986- the ‘year of disasters’ with the Iran Contra affair, challenger and Chernobyl explosions. With that as the backdrop, how bad would it really be even if he said no?
Inspired by the popular song ‘All I Need is a Miracle’, and just having seen Sixteen Candles, I ventured on, but knowing my tongue-tied ways, I decided that I needed a full-proof plan. Sitting on my bed across from the aforementioned pillow, I wrote out the entire conversation on paper so that all I had to do was read from the page. I even went into detail for every question and response and had several options to choose from to make sure that I was covered for any subject that might come up.
I must have picked up the phone fifty times before I got the nerve to punch all the numbers, and when he answered, I was so nervous I could hardly speak. Thankfully my written word helped tremendously. He did make me work for it a bit, but I was walking on air when he agreed to go with me.
In all of the excitement, I hung up the phone and immediately began singing and clapping my hands writing my own song consisting of only three words; "He said yes….he said yes" in different melodies and styles. I danced and swayed my hips, giving Elvis a run for his money. This went on for several minutes until I decided that it was time to call my best girlfriend Tammy to tell her the news. As I reached for the phone a funny feeling came over me...
Suddenly, I noticed that I had not hung it up properly. A panic spread through my entire body, and my heart tried to climb out of my chest so it could run and hide. I prayed that Stuart had simply hung up after our call, and not heard my song and dance. If he had, I was surely going to have to move to another state. Slowly, I picked up the phone receiver and heard Stuart on the other end breathing and laughing. I hung up the phone mortified.
As our date drew closer, a spy leaked information to me that I was going to receive the Clara Clutz award for clumsiness at the ceremony. (My accident prone life began at 18 months when I fell and knocked my two front teeth out climbing into the family station wagon. My mom and Aunt totally freaked, picked up the teeth and tried to push them back into my mouth hoping that they might change their mind and decide to reattach themselves. Somehow during High School my affliction hit its peak. I fell off bleachers, ran into doors, twisted ankles, and slammed my hand in my locker assuring that bruises were a permanent accessory for my wardrobe.)
Stuart and I sat in the back of the room during the awards ceremony. I do not remember breathing until they called my name. As I strolled down the aisle to receive my prize, some smart ass stuck his foot out in front of me thinking that it would be hilarious if I went flying into the awards table to receive my clutz award. He got his wish, and I thought and wished that my life was over.
I should have known at that moment, that my dating life was going to be…. interesting.
Needless to say, Stuart and I never had a great love affair, (I did get one good night kiss that was not half bad, but…)
I realized early that I had been corrupted.
Daydreams, old movies and fantasies are ALWAYS better than the REALITY. I wish the women in my life would have told me that from the beginning then I could have just worshipped Stuart from a far and never had this story to tell. Of course, then I would not have this story to tell.
Sunday, November 8, 2009 at 04:39PM 
