I had a few extra minutes this morning, so I made the mistake of opening a few emails.

Most days I find comfort in the daily and weekly emails that enlighten me and set the backdrop for what is to come in my toddlers life.  I have learned to treasure the emails since I have little to no time to read about what he actually should be doing or saying that week on my own, and typically the emails are timely and informative, and I can pretend to be a good mama for a minute, feeling as though I am in tune and somewhat in control.

This morning I was thrilled to learn that my son is not  the only one who SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS for seemingly no reason, and that other mothers have to go to work with their wailing kid's CRIES following them out the door. 

I did not however read of anyone whose son will only wear his right shoe, so I can grin and know that I have a true original as well.

All would have been fine had I stopped there, but the devil in me started to read the discourse of mothers giving mothers advice on how to 'get their kid's in line' at 16-20 months.

Being a gypsy spirit, but knowing that I do not ever want to have to call THE NANNY to visit my home to teach me how to discipline my child, I am hard-pressed to find a middle ground which seems non-existent or impossible to pinpoint at times.

Leo says that I am too soft, others say that I am too hard.  Frankly today, I am unsure.

No one tells you that nothing makes you feel as neurotic, joyful, fearful, paranoid, and completely out of control as being a MOTHER. 

Add the monthly visit from Aunt Flo and it is just cruel.

As I read more about how to 'train your child' to behave this way and that way, I could feel my spirit cringe. 

Mind you I am not a push over, nor am I a proponent of no discipline, however, I do have a hard time knowlingly and deliberatly trying to break another person's spirit and bend it to my will.

Lord knows I have come in contact with many in my life who have tried to break mine and I have not always succeeded in fighting them off.  As those scars continue to heal, I think about trying to find the balance between having a well behaved child and letting him discover himself, even if that means that he is a brat sometimes.

Of course, it could just be that I woke up PMSing and would have over-reacted to anything anyway..

...but even so, I thank you for helping me to stand true, work through this, and decide that I will wait until Isaac is at least 4 to try to break him.  Just don't tell Leo.