Oy vey.

The Israeli tank driver who stripped naked to roll in the snow the first time I brought him to meet the folks.

The first love, who now looks like Tommy Lee.

The rabbi, who travels the world teaching Kabbalah (though this is not really him it may as well be).  This was my guide while visiting Israel who took me on donkey rides, to an incredible 90 year old healer, has a daughter named Ahava - "LOVE" and looks like Moses or Jesus but carries a cell phone. 

The African American Christian firefighter - when I met his folks for Thanksgiving, Ebony and Ivory came on the radio as I choked down turkey.

The Catholic boy who practically made me get down on my hands and knees after a dream he had of his mother giving him guff after our make out session.

The Freeloader

 (Ok, I did not really date Kato, but others just like him.)

oddly, recently they have all surfaced through a plethera of calls and facebook emails apologizing for their various behaviors and telling me how sorry they were for the way they treated me.

It is ironic how those calls come way after you need to hear them.

Anyway, I just caught the trailer for Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past, and I have decided that I need to write my own version, because that would be some funny freakin' crap.