I traveled to see a very wise woman today. 

As I drove, my mind wandered, thinking of all the matriarchs before her and the ones yet to step into that role.  The strength of her generation, the doors that their words and actions opened, and all the families they have kept together through their wisdom and gentle reminders of what is truly important.

86 years is a long time, and hers has been an amazing life filled with funny stories, obstacles, blessings, a strong faith, and an incredible legacy.

As we all sat surrounding Alice, we grappled with the impending loss. 

It was bittersweet reminiscing about family histories, learning more about each other, and though we all supported her decision to end dialysis treatment and go with the grace she always wore on her sleeve, the silent moments still gave way to unease, and the inner struggle to find the right words became glaringly more apparent with each moment.

How do you say goodbye to someone knowing it will be the last time, at least in this realm, that you will see them?

Sure you say “I love you,” but often that is just to comfort yourself.

What words can give them comfort?

“How are YOU?”  I asked half knowing it was a ridiculous question, but still wanting to deal with the elephant that was not only in the room, but riding me piggy back.

“I am good,” Alice said and then looked deeper into my eyes knowing that it was safe to share more.

“I am at peace with my decision. . . I know where I am going.”

Though part of me wanted to probe further, I didn’t. 

Again, the thought of more questions, felt selfish.

I asked about her favorite bible passage, knowing that my knowledge of it was minimal.

She made a reference to that fact that in the end, we are all connected, and there are no divisions in heaven.

Knowing that this concept exists in most religions, and spiritual teachings, I wondered why the fight here has to be so contentious.  In the end, the rhetoric gets stripped away, and we all see the blaring similarities and underlying truths that unite us all.

As I stood to leave, she showered me with loving compliments, and said “see you later.”

“When you feel it is your time to go, don’t let us hold you back, and please send us a sign to let us know that you are ok,” I said, hoping that she would receive my words with the spirit I intended.

I have no doubt that we will communicate again, though I know it will be in different ways than we have in the past.

And I know that again, in her grace, a big part of her decision is based on saving her family from knowing her any other way.