Shopping Online for a husband

In this internet age, it is wonderful that we can all keep in touch, search for important and nonsensical information, find old friends, drive our doctors crazy bringing them information on what we believe our ailments to be, chronicle our lives, send passive aggressive emails that would give Myrna in Confederacy of Dunces a run for her money, and shop online for our husbands.

I am never sure when folks ask me how my husband and I met how much to share, some find it romantic that we met on the web, others look at me as though I must have been certifiable, crazy, desperate, or expecting that if they used the same route, they would find Charles Manson on the other side. Our story is much less exciting - we met on a free, local, Jewish website that somehow felt safer.

I was coming off of a bad men chapter in my life, putting all my energy into the last place it should have been, a real glutton for punishment. At that time, if Charles was kind to me and emotionally available, I might have considered overlooking his shortcomings. After googling Jewish serial killers and not finding any, I emailed Leo.

I looked beyond the dopey hat and huge white dog resembling a horse that he was petting in his photo. He had a little glimmer of insanity in his eyes, but that all changed when I saw that he liked photography, wine, travel, with no mention of sports. He sited my favorite poem, you know the one- Mark Twain’s poem that now has been bastardized everywhere you turn .. Dance like nobody’s watching, love like you’ve never been hurt, sing like nobody’s listening, live like its heaven on earth. Ok, ok, I know it is kind of cheesy, but look at this guy, I mean, he looks as though life has taught him a few things, right?

Mark Twain - not my husband.

Anyway, 6 years later, here we are, having a good time when we are not trying to kill each other. And although my husband still cannot pee in front of me, we do dance, sing and try to love as though we have not and do not want to with anyone else.